"ANYBODY CAN BE BEAT!" - Bart Scott
Showing posts with label jay cutler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jay cutler. Show all posts

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Winter of My Discontent

It's customary for Chicagoans to gripe about winter weather. We know it's coming, we're used to it, but we still get annoyed by the snow and the sleet and the slush.

Then, winter's like this one come along, and you don't know how to react. Temperatures in the 50s (the 60s, even!). A dearth of snow. No cold North wind. And it's February, which means the first signs of spring are only two weeks away: pitchers and catchers will report to spring training.

Spring training. I've always said with a child's naivete that spring training is the first true harbinger of summer, that first sound of baseballs hitting gloves. This year, however, spring training is the first reminder of the coldest, hardest fact of winter.

The White Sox are going to be bad.

The Sox have a new, untested manager. Their bullpen is going to be an experiment. Their most dependable pitcher and only championship manager of the last 90 years have both departed for Miami, and the teams in their division are only getting stronger.

Don't let the weather fool you. It's been a cold season for other reasons.

The White Sox: rebuilding, in three acts


It was a guarantee that Ozzie Guillen would be gone at the end of the season. The Sox had disappointed expectations once again, failing to even gain the division lead during the year, let alone make the postseason. But the departure of the Wiz was messy, even by South Side standards: Ozzie left with two games to go, and usual replacement manager Joey Cora took his leave following a message from Ken Williams that pitching coach Don Cooper would manage the remainder of the season.

Possible replacements were floated for Guillen: Terry Francona, Tony LaRussa, Joe McEwing. All men with some kind of major- or minor-league experience. So in true Sox fashion, management decided to swerve on folks and hired Robin Ventura. A well-known White Sox name, but a man who's only coaching experience was with his son's high school baseball team.

Then more news surfaced: free agent pitcher Mark Buerhle had signed a deal with the Miami Marlins. The Marlins, aside from signing everyone in the free world, had also announced Ozzie as their new manager. It was unthinkable: the fiery manager and outspoken top pitcher heading south for another title run.

If that weren't enough, the Detroit Tigers, the most hated team in the universe this side of the Monstars, signed Prince Fielder away from the Brewers. If that doesn't strike fear into your heart, let's look at the prospective starting lineup for Detroit:

Austin Jackson, CF
Brennan Boesch, LF
Prince Fielder, DH/1B
Miguel Cabrera, 1B
Victor Martinez, DH/C/1B
Magglio Ordonez, RF
Ryan Raburn/Ramon Santiago, 2B
Alex Avila, C
Brandon Inge, 3B

Sorry, I just about fainted. Meanwhile, Carlos Quentin is gone and the Sox have questions in the outfield and pitching staff. Will it be repeat of 2007? As the magic 8-ball says, "signs point to yes."

Bulls on the run


It might be hard to remember, but the Bulls didn't start all that well last year. They lost to Oklahoma City on Opening Night and started the season 9-8. Recall that this was the time when everyone was anxiously awaiting the return of Carlos Boozer from his hand injury. Try not to laugh angrily when you do.

This year was different. The Bulls stole a crazy game from the Lakers to start the year, avoided the circus trip due to the shortened season, and began the year 15-3. Even amid injuries to C.J. Watson, newly acquired Rip Hamilton, Joakim Noah, and Derrick Rose, the Bulls kept winning.

Then Luol Deng hurt his wrist against the Bobcats. Since Deng's injury, the Bulls are 3-3 and haven't beaten a team with a premier small forward (Indiana, Miami, Philadelphia). Many players have called Deng "the glue" for the Bulls. He's the man who can fill the holes they need on offense, and he's a solid defender. He also covers for Carlos Boozer on D, which the Bulls sorely need. A game against the Knicks and Carmelo Anthony should be another demonstration on how badly the Bulls need Luol Deng. Fortunately, his injury is on his non-shooting wrist and he should be back as soon as possible.

The BADley Braves


After an injury-plagued campaign last year and the firing of Jim Les, it was felt that Bradley men's basketball was on the rise. There was a new coach, a new system, new recruits and that optimistic feeling that comes with a new season of college basketball. I figured Bradley might have a dip in their record this year and start to trend up in 2012-13.

No one expected this.

Bradley took an absolute beating last night, losing 92-62. This is a bad game, no doubt, but it's made worse by three facts:

-The final score would have been worse had Jalen Crawford not sunk a halfcourt shot as time expired;
-This was the second-worst home loss in school history, the record being set earlier this year against Wichita State
-Bradley lost to Evansville, which had been the conference whipping boy for many years prior.

These 20- and 30-point losses are becoming all too commonplace for the Braves. I haven't read a Kirk Wessler column in a month for fear of either chopping the newspaper into bits or breaking into tears at work. I've also conveniently been "too busy", "too tired", or "too broke" to attend a Braves game since Christmas. This troubles me, as I was one of the greatest supporters of Bradley last year as they slogged through their bad year. "Through thick and thin," I shouted many times as fans left the arena with more than six minutes to play. "Where are you going? The game's not over!"

Excuses are the first sign of fan alienation, and it's a very short road to becoming that worst of supporters: a fair-weather fan. The Braves must get better, but it's important that fans like you and I continue to support them through these rough times. Keep wearing that Bradley red this year and keep heading to Carver Arena.

The February 25 game against ISWho might be the highlight of the season—if the Braves can win. If Bradley takes another tough loss to those lousy Redbirds, it might be the last straw of the year.

Let it go, let it go, let it go


The Bulls will recover. The Sox will tough it out. Bradley always has next year. Even though the sports inside may be frightful, spring is always around the corner for our heroes. Don't worry that times are bad now, they'll get better later. There's a brighter tomorrow...all right, I had to stop, I realized I was just trying to convince myself. Just listen to the song, and I'll see you in the cheap seats.

JS


I wonder if Carlos Boozer plays this after he has a bad game.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Day the Monsters Reawakened

Let's set the scene:

It's Monday, I'm sitting at home, wondering what to write/eat/watch on TV before I go in to another awful day of work. Then my roommate CRAW calls with news: he got two prime seats for tomorrow's Bradley game. I'm hopelessly excited to get the chance to see the College of Wooster in action, but then he tells me he's going to watch the Bears game.

I'm torn. I've been cheating on my boycott all season anyway, but as the only opponent to the Jerry Angelo Era, I can't be weak on this.

On the other hand, it's Bears-Eagles which not only means I'll get a chance to see Michael "Rottweiler" Vick, but I can finally do one of those Bill Simmons 'game diary' blogs. You know, the ones where he writes down what he's thinking at various times, makes fun of the refs, commercials, announcers and all that. Can't pass that up, right?

A stronger man would've done the right thing. Unfortunately, I haven't been to the gym in about five months. Here's a recap of last night's Chicago-Philly game:

First Quarter


14:54: First play from scrimmage: a Matt Forte run for seven yards. I imagine Mike Martz tied up in the coaches' box, screaming profanities.

12:22: Jay-Jay, inches from being sacked, throws off his back foot for a first down to Earl Bennett. Too stunned to cheer.

9:52: Forte stuffed for a two-yard loss. Uh oh, there's the first appearance of the Jay Cutler Face...
Can you believe Devin dropped another pass, ref? So unfair.

9:20: Hold on though! A touchdown pass to the "Tight End Not Named Greg Olsen" has the Bears up early. 12 plays, 79 yards and amazingly, 52 of those via the run. Martz is still yelling oaths through duct tape.

9:15: First appearance of my dog Vick (yes, there'll be more of those jokes). Robbie Gould puts the kickoff out of bounds, then quick Eagles first down. Bad sign?

6:39: Hmm, tipped pass. Thought Urlacher was getting too old, y'all?

6:30: Those military commercials feel so much less patriotic without the Hank Williams Jr. intro.

5:30: Another awkward pass to Not Greg Olsen. Now I'm getting intrigued.

5:15: And there's Stupid Penalty #1: 12 men in the huddle. Come on, man.

1:54: Jay ate his Wheaties today. He'll need it; Eagles have closed down the running lanes. By the way, how many times are Jaws and Jon going to sing the praises of Lance Louis tonight?

:51: You can tell the ESPN guys are waiting for Vick to get his inner greyhound on. So has all of football guys; nothing doing yet.

Second Quarter

15:00-3:52: Left the house and stopped at WacArnold's on the way to the bar. Not so bad, got to hear Jeff Joniak and Tom Thayer call the Major Wright interception. "And Vick's pass...IT'S PICKED OFF! Maaay-jor Wright!" I miss WBBM.
You, sir, are ridiculous.

3:30: Vick finally breaks a run! Too bad it's for two yards. So much for that aging Bears D.

1:51: CRAW on Devin Hester: "He's a runner, not a catcher." Very observant for someone who doesn't watch a lick of football.

1:38: Forte fumbles, Eagles run it in for a touchdown. Jay Cutler Face, Take 2.
Come on, Matt, you're on my fantasy team.

1:38: Thank goodness it's under two minutes in the first half, otherwise Lovie would challenge and lose a timeout.

1:34: Back-to-back offsides on Philly, then a false start on the Bears. Penalty score: 4-3 in favor of the Eagles.

1:00: Corey Graham said GIMME THAT BALL, BUDDY!

:50: How long has it been since Jay made a good throw? Years? Did those Wheaties wear off?

:43: Corey Graham's grown-man business,  a stupid Philly penalty and look at that—the Bears are on top at the half.

:32: Jeremy Maclin is ruining the Rottweiler's night. One catch, three drops.

0:00: Bears on top 17-10 at the break. The forced fumble was the quickest momentum shift I've seen since the Saints onside kick (sorry, Styx.)

Halftime notes


-It's a lot easier to watch "The Fastest 3 Minutes" with the sound off.

-More fun: watching the game at a hipster/non-sports bar. So far we've discussed inventing new drinks (look up a Georgia Moon), Jeff Bridges' incredibly scary voice, and the animosity between gays and bisexuals. Didn't even know about that.

Third Quarter


14:25: Two Vick runs and a first down to Brent Celek. Philly looking more like...well, Philly.


9:35: LeSean McCoy gets tired of Vick failing and makes the Bears look silly on a touchdown. Subsequently ESPN shows off their muscle by running a sports science highlight reel. I'm so sad that Disney owns everything Google doesn't.

8:10: Man, they still have Icy Hot commercials with Shaq in the fake Suns jersey?

7:25: Starting the "Pay Matt Forte" telethon. I think Bears' fans will be willing to donate...

7:24: ...Until he fumbles again! Thanks for that graphic about him not fumbling in over a year, guys!

6:25: Great, they just turned on the sound on the bar TV. Who's Jon Gruden going to jock today?

5:52: Two Cutler fumbles, two Philly scores. Wait, what? That wasn't Jay, that was Forte? Sorry, force of habit.

5:37: Jay Cutler Face #3 of the night as Roy Williams channels his inner Clifford Franklin.


First I was afraid, I was petrified...

2:53: CRAW and I have the following conversation:
C: Who's that dude with the long-ass name?
Me: Dominick Rodgers-Cromartie. He's like the fastest dude in football (oops, not true).
C: Is he the one they just did that highlight reel on?
Me: No, that was LeSean McCoy.
C: Then why the **** do I care about the other dude?

Again, doesn't watch a lick of football. He gets this game.

:30: They show a giant "THIRD DOWN" graphic on the stadium screen. Really, Philly? You need to be reminded what down it is?

:00: DWIGHT HOWARD! Now I really want Modern Warfare 3.

Fourth Quarter

14:56: It's official: Julius Peppers would be my first pick on my "professional players for pickup sports" team. For basketball and football. (LeBron is number two, then D-Rose.)

13:50: Bears draw Stupid Penalty #3 (holding), then Jay makes a ridiculous play to avoid a sack and gain positive yards. I'm actually cheering now, while the two hipster girls next to me make bored faces.

12:18: Fade route, TD, Earl Bennett! Jay does a half-Dougie before jogging to the sideline. No sign of the Face in at least 20 minutes.

12:18: This Droid Razr commercial is like the Immortals trailer: overhyped and saturating the airwaves. Makes me severely doubt the product.

11:38: Vick FINALLY starting to make plays. Jon Gruden FINALLY has a chance to dick-ride.

5:30: Uh oh, about time to head to work. Leave the bar to find I locked my keys in my car. Run down the street for my carpool without my proper work equipment, and I'm more concerned about the defense holding steady.

4:00: ESPN Mobile is terrible. Gould FG has Bears up by six. Is it Vick time?

1:39: Jeremy Maclin needs 10 yards on a fourth down; gets nine. Somewhere, JJ Stankevitz cries out in despair.

0:00: Bears hold on to win, 30-24! It's looking like another six-day week at work, but I'm just happy the Bears are a game back of the Lions for second place in the division. Jay-Jay outplayed Vick and Matt Forte got a chance to make something happen.

I suppose being steadfast and holding your ground is a bit overrated when it comes to boycotts. After all, someone will wise up and fire Jerry at the end of the season, right?

Unless....the Bears actually make the playoffs...
Hmmm, maybe I'll play consistently this year. Then Kristin will love me again.


See you in the cheap seats.

JS