As soon as our Caterpillar recreational basketball league started, our team discussed our most important strategy: what dance we would do after we hit a shot. Most guys went with the Discount Double-Check (dick riders). Being a Bears fan, I chose not to ride the Aaron Rodgers wave and settled on the Clark Kent (check the jump).
Two months later, our record is a dismal 3-10, our team is fracturing faster than Greg Oden, and we're looking ahead to softball season. But the celebrations haven't quit. There's been no sign of the DD-C, but me and my boy Thomas have taken to doing the Carlos Boozer yell (see below) after a big play. So that got me to thinking: what are the best NBA celebrations in the game right now? Don't worry, that's what we're here for at LitCS.
I want to yell "Grab that shit", but I think I'd get ejected.
10. The Blank Look (Blake Griffin)
What really needs to be said after you dunk on Kendrick Perkins' entire family tree?
9. The....What Is He Doing? (Russell Westbrook)
I'm never really sure what Russell Westbrook is on when he's dunking, but I need some of it. I'd get so much more work done. Or I'd just destroy things.
8. The Chest Pound/Sneer (Derrick Rose, Kevin Durant)
The face that says, "Get off my court, I'm king of this jungle." Or maybe he means "George of the Jungle".
7. The "Kobe Face" (Kobe Bryant)
If Kobe weren't so damn clutch in the late stages, I'd say he has a toothache.
6. The Step Over (Dwyane Wade via Allen Iverson)
There is nothing more disrespectful than stepping over the body of a fallen opponent. Where have you gone, Tyronn Lue?
What could be in the top 5? Look for the remainder of the list tomorrow night. Feel free to post videos of your favorite moves at the Life in the Cheap Seats group on Facebook.
Hip-hop and basketball are inextricably linked. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when this marriage of culture and sport occurred, but it's a known fact that basketball's Golden Era of the 1980s-early '90s intersected with the birth of hip-hop as a musical genre.
When young Bird and Magic began their long war of the hardwood in the 1979 NCAA Championship Game, DJ Kool Herc, Afrika Bambataa and Kool DJ Kurt (aka Kurtis Blow) were already spinning records in the boogie down Bronx. But it was at the height of the Lakers-Celtics rivalry/Michael Jordan's rise that hip-hop began to take off. Now, the two cannot be separated, which is why it's hard to hear Rakim's "Don't Sweat the Technique" without picturing an NBA highlight tape going with it.
Wait, what, they actually did that? I had NO idea.
All the anthropology aside, both forms have given to each other over their histories. Basketball players dress like the rappers they listen to, while hip-hoppers wear throwback jerseys of the players they love. The oddest trait shared by basketball and hip-hop, however, lies in it's slang; specifically, the slang for what is considered "good".
In layman's terms, if something's bad, it's good. A nasty dunk, a sick pass, an ill crossover. Shots are deadly or cold-blooded. Countless times, I've said that Derrick Rose is disgusting. LeBron James' beard is disrespectful. (Sorry, that last one is true.)
The faces ballplayers and fans alike will make after a crazy dunk or shot are legendary: expressions of horror, disgust, or as Bill Simmons put it in his Book of Basketball: "A dunk that makes every African-American fan in the building stand up and make the face like they just smelled an extremely bad fart."
Yes, Joakim, that's the face I mean.
So it should not get lost in translation when I tell you the number one fact of the 2012 NBA season:
KEVIN DURANT IS A PROBLEM.
Making it rain among the Thunder
At some point last year, a question was asked in passing on ESPN: would you rather have Kobe Bryant or Kevin Durant?
The runaway answer, of course, was Kobe. KD was in his third season and while he was the leader of a good young Thunder team, he hadn't proven himself.
This year, however, Durant is proving himself, each and every game.
LeBron will always draw ire for leaving Cleveland for Miami. It was a move condemned by media, fans and players alike. But he's always scrutinized for being so incredibly good as well. His skill set has only been possessed by a handful of players ever, and hardly any of them have LeBron's size and speed. The only consistent knock has been his three-point shooting, and this year he's averaging a ridiculous 47 percent from beyond the arc. While Dwyane Wade's been injured, James has carried the Heat through stretches, albeit with some help from glue man Chris Bosh. Kevin Durant can't say the same, as he's had Russell Westbrook all season to play Robin to his Batman.
The main thing hurting LeBron's MVP campaign is that he's won before. The prevailing opinion is that writers will go with a first-timer to create a new story. This was one of the ideas presented for Derrick Rose's win last season when other players had considerably better numbers. The simmering hatred for LeBron is another possible reason he would lose out.
None of those should matter this year, though. LeBron is the frontman in this year's race. For how long remains to be seen.
The best in the business
Oklahoma City and Miami have been jockeying for the best record in the league all year. The Bulls are footsteps behind, but Derrick Rose has missed games and the Bulls are 9-3 without him in the lineup. Good odds say he won't be considered. This leaves James, Durant, Kobe Bryant, Tony Parker, Chris Paul, and Jeremy Lin.
All right, you've stopped chuckling, now back to reality. Tony Parker and Chris Paul are long shots, due to Rose's win last year and the writers' hesitancy to reward another point guard. Kobe's having another great season along with a beautiful ad campaign, but the Lakers are stuck with a bad bench and an underachieving third man. Plus, "Black Mamba" is a really stupid nickname.
This leaves James and Durant, and that's a numbers/crunch-time race. The award goes to whoever's team finishes with a better record and whoever measures up against conference opponents (Lakers, Grizzlies, Spurs, Clippers for Durant; Bulls, Magic, Celtics, Pacers, Knicks for James), barring injury. But the fact that it's a race in itself has thrown a monkey wrench into the plans of the basketball writers.
This was supposed to be LeBron's year. He was hungry to erase the memories of last season's defeat to the surprising Mavericks and outright flatten anyone who stood in his way. It was supposed to be a non-contest.
Kevin Durant has just been too much of a problem to ignore.
There are sports franchises that are never supposed to win. I would say "in this day and age", but the old-timers remember the Washington Senators, who never won a World Series even with Walter Johnson pitching, or the St. Louis Browns, who needed World War II to win a pennant.
Some teams never catch a break, never draft the right player, or just don't get the right bounce at the right time.
The Los Angeles Clippers were one of those teams.This is the team that let Elton Brand go to Philly, kept Michael Olowokandi over Lamar Odom, and had two stars sustain terrible injuries on freak accidents in the preseason (Note: these videos are not for the easily squeamish).
Shawn Livingston's ACL tear
Blake Griffin's broken kneecap
Such was the fate of the Clippers, the team forever in the shadow of the Lakers.
Was.
On Monday night, the Clip Show served the Lakers to the tune of a 19-point victory. And they did with a subpar effort from Blizzy Blake.
It's too early for everyone to scream it from the rooftops, so I'll do it for you:
THE CLIPPERS ARE THE TEAM IN L.A.
Flash back to...
...last season, when the Clippers had just pulled a home victory over Miami, further adding to the consternation of Heat fans. I said then that Los Angeles' other team was moving in the right direction with the parts they had, but it would take a long time for them to challenge the Lakers for L.A. dominance.
After a flurry of in-season and offseason moves, the landscape is very different. The Clippers were the winners of the Chris Paul Chase, picked up Mo Williams in a midseason trade and also acquired veteran Chauncey Billups. They did lose key players Eric Gordon and Chris Kaman, but with Griffin, DeAndre Jordan and Caron Butler in the frontcourt with Paul and Billups in the backcourt, the Clippers suddenly have one of the most exciting starting rotations in the West.
Meanwhile, the Lakers lost their temper in their playoff series with the Mavericks and haven't stopped throwing temper tantrums since. After dangling Lamar Odom in their own proposed trade for Paul, Odom demanded his walking papers and went to, of all teams, the Dallas Mavericks. Can you imagine how many snide phone calls and text messages Mark Cuban sent Jerry Buss that day?
The Lakers picked up Josh McRoberts from Indy but not much else, and now Kobe's day-to-day with an injured wrist. Add to the mix Mike Brown's first season at the wheel and you have the perfect sh&t storm in Hollywood. Can things get worse for the Lakers?
Christmas magic
The San Andreas Fault sits right underneath Los Angeles, and scientists say eons from now, Lakerland will break off from the continent and float out to sea. That is also the generally accepted amount of time it will take for the Clippers to move past the Lakers as Los Angeles' favorite team.
I think it's coming sooner than that. The Laker fan base is dedicated enough to their team, especially from the glory years of the '80s and 2000s, but the Lakers are losing their. Kobe's 33 with mounting injuries; Derek Fisher is four years older. Pau Gasol and Andrew Bynum will do their thing, but who's behind them in the rotation: McRoberts, Troy Murphy? Joe Smith? Theo Ratliff?
The intagibles of Metta World Peace (yes, I will be calling him that until further notice) are not to be overlooked. Still, the Lakers have a slew of rookies and Luke Walton off the bench. Devin Ebanks and Derrick Caracter aren't ready. Shannon Brown is gone. How will the Lakers survive the second and third quarters of games?
The Clippers have lower billing against the Warriors Sunday night, but Golden State will be without Stephen Curry in another mini-miracle for the red and blue. The Lakers, meanwhile, have to contend with a better, hungrier Bulls team at Staples.
The time is right for the Clippers to move up the L.A. star charts. Will it be this season? The future isn't clear, but the magic 8 ball says, "Signs point to yes." If you don't believe me, ask DeAndre Jordan.
Rising over Gasol and Bynum? Can you say, "foreshadowing"?
Suffice it to say, Bill Simmons should be very happy this year. I will be, too, once I get my custom-made "Lob City" shirt.
