...And the Five Worst Rivalries in Sports

Chinese wisdom, specifically the theory of "yin yang", tells us that for everything, there is an opposite.

For every light, there is a darkness. For every good, an evil. For our purposes, we shall say that for every great rivalry, there is a lousy one.

Not all feuds can be great. Some take time to develop and ferment, like a fine...grape juice. Others start with a flash and somehow keep their fire until flaming out, supernova-style. But other rivalries have lost their luster after years of passionate meetings, while others are media-driven and cannot be called rivalries at all. As I listed the five best rivalries in American sports today, here's a count of the five worst rivalries in the United States.

Honorable Mention:

Roger Federer - Rafael Nadal

This will forever be one of the great rivalries in tennis, up their with McEnroe/Borg/Connors and Evert/Navratilova. It was a classic battle: upstart Nadal vs. the established superstar Federer, and while der Meister destroyed all other comers, he could never quite seem to beat the southpaw Nadal, most notably on the clay surface of Roland Garros.

But the sun seems to have set on what some have called the greatest rivalry in the history of professional tennis. Roger Federer has not won a major championship since last season's Australian Open and his ranking has dropped significantly. He lost to Nadal once again at this year's French Open, and both men have been surpassed during Novak Djokovic's astounding run to the top. It would be heinous to categorize this great feud with the worst rivalries in sports today, but it does look as if the Roger-Rafa rivalry has seen it's last match. It was fun while it lasted.

5. San Francisco Giants - Los Angeles Dodgers

This was one of the most storied rivalries in Major League Baseball, dating back to the days when both teams played in New York. The Bums of Brooklyn may have chased the Yankees for glory through the 1940s and early-'50s, but it was the New York (Baseball) Giants that ended the Dodgers 1951 season with the legendary "Shot Heard 'Round the World".

The Dodgers-Giants intracoastal rivalry stayed true through the twilight years of the 20th century, but lately things have turned sour. The Giants fell hard after winning the World Series last season, and the Dodgers, even with a multitude of young talent, haven't been able to get over the hump since 2008. With the Diamondbacks making their surprising run this season and a parking lot fight between fans turning dangerous early this season (see video below), the Giants and the "Dah-jahs" rivalry hasn't been able to live up to their past standards.

Let's hope these two teams can reignite their future matchups. In the meantime, let's hope the Giants can keep their logo.

 4. Minnesota - Michigan (college football)

The oldest named rivalry in college football—isn't. Big Blue has taken home the "Little Brown Jug" 20 times since 1986, and Minnesota hasn't won the game since 2005, with most of the margins in that span exceeding 10 points. Minnesota football has been on a downward spiral in the last few years, and even with the hiring of successful coach Jerry Kill, that trend will take some time to reverse.

Ohio State/Michigan would have taken this spot had Ohio State not been victimized by their own infidelities toward transparency. Minnesota football has just been bad. Hopefully, the Golden Gophers can translate their budding basketball success to the football field and challenge the Wolverines once again.

3. Notre Dame - Southern California (college football)

Unlike the annual Notre Dame/Navy game (which will be on the longer list of best current rivalries), this contest has also been lopsided in recent years, thanks to Notre Dame's overwhelming mediocrity.

To be fair, I've hated Notre Dame for a long time now (more due to obnoxious fans at my high school than anything), but the Golden Domers haven't made it any easier for me to jump back on the train. Bob Davie had the last decent run of success before handing the reins to Ty Willingham (who many believe wasn't given a fair shake), Charlie Weis and now Brian Kelly. Weis' teams were fairly successful, but had the ignominy of: being the first team to lose to Navy in 43 years (2007); the first team to lose to an eight-loss team (Syracuse, 2008); and another loss to unranked Navy in 2009.

Notre Dame finally beat USC in Los Angeles last year, Kelly's first season as coach. Prior to that, they had not beaten the Trojans since 2001. Notre Dame is showing some promise under Kelly, but it will take some time for the Fighting Irish to reestablish themselves as top dog. Still, this rivalry will always have one of the coolest trophies ever: the Jeweled Shillelagh.

(credit to Wikipedia user Jakesthesnake)

2. Chicago Cubs - St. Louis Cardinals

Let me start by saying this: CubssuckCubssuckCubssuckCubssuckCubssuck(STOP!)

Whew. Now that's done, I'll elaborate: the Cubs are really bad.

This probably the most historic rivalry in the National League. The Cubs and Cards have always been geographical rivals, and have played in the same division since the leagues were split in 1969. The Cardinals are the most successful team in the senior circuit, but the Cubs have always played them tough. Lately, the Bruins haven't had a lot of success against the Redbirds on the Bat. By the numbers:

-Since 2000, the Cardinals and Cubs have faced off 194 times. The Cards have won 111 of those games.

-In the same time frame, St. Louis has gone to the playoffs eight times, with a record of 12-25 (including the 2011 World Series), 10 postseason series wins and a World Series victory. The Cubs have gone to the playoffs three times with a record of 3-10 and one postseason victory.

I was going to add that the President of the United States made the choice to be a White Sox fan even as the South Siders were having about the same lean years as the Cubs, but that's not a real statistic. Suffice it to say that the Cubbies have not measured up well against their rivals on Route 66. Things might well turn over: Albert Pujols is on the clock if the Cards don't beat the Rangers in the World Series, and new Cubs owner Tom Ricketts has shown he's willing to win by hiring former Red Sox boy genius GM Theo Epstein. Any Cubs surge would make this a worthy rivalry of Sunday Night Baseball, unlike our top worst rivalry...

First pitch at the '08 All-Star Game...in St. Louis. Prez does it like that.

1. New York Yankees - Boston Red Sox

Two great teams. Two franchises close in proximity. Two rabid fan bases, even when you discount the bandwagoners. Two areas that have never liked each other since this nation was founded. So why, oh why does this qualify as the worst rivalry in American sports today?

Oversaturation.

There are many things I love. Butter, steak, Five Guys burgers, Zebra Cakes. But give me too much in quick succession and I'll get absolutely sick of it (Exhibit A: John Cena). The Red Sox - Yankees clash has been shoved down our throats by ESPN so much in the last ten or 15 years that the majority of baseball fans outside of the North-Atlantic Coast are disgusted by the Sunday Night Baseball yearly lineup, which I'd guarantee has Yanks-BoSox 75 percent of the schedule. It doesn't help that ESPN's headquarters in Bristol, Connecticut make it easy for the sports network to focus their attention on this clash.

It's not that the teams are bad, or that the games aren't fun to watch. It's solely the repeated exposure. Please, ESPN, read this and schedule some other games. Take New York vs. Boston away from national television for an entire season even. Maybe then, I won't gag each time I see Kevin Youkilis' giant chin in high definition.

Until next time, see you in the cheap seats.

JS

Bravehearts, Vol. 1: Red-White Scrimmage Review

Where were the motorcycles? Where was the individual entrance music? Where was the hoopla?

Maybe someone finally figured out that wasn't a very good title for the basketball season opener.

Whatever the case, this year's Red-White Scrimmage was decidedly more low-key than last year's inaugural Hoopla on the Hilltop. And considering the men's team turned in a 4-14 conference season, perhaps that was a good thing.

It was the first chance for Bradley basketball fans to see their teams in action. While the women's squad has had the majority of buzz lately due to recent spring success, many fans were anxious to see the new-look men's team under freshman coach Geno Ford.

What were they treated to last night? Here's the rundown.

Women's scrimmage

I'm not sure which squad was supposed to employ the "run-and-gun" offense, but I definitely didn't hear about Paula Buscher using it. The women's scrimmage was a stream of quick rebound, outlet passes and running up and down the floor. The white team scored three or four baskets in a row via fast breaks about midway through the first half. When they did get into the halfcourt offense, the order was breaking down the zone defense employed on both ends of the floor, which led to quick passes to the post for layups or kickouts to the arc for three-pointers.

Obviously, you need the right team to run this offense and judging from last night, it will be a work-in-progress for Buscher's squad. Hanna Muegge, Kelsey Budd and Catie O'Leary can all run the point, and Budd especially will be a handful for opposing teams with her tenacious one-on-one defense, good passing and ability to stretch the floor with the jump shot. Newcomer Michelle Young will most likely come off the bench, but she's quick as they come and can drive the lane without going out of control. O'Leary will take some of the scoring pressure off Katie Yohn; the Wisconsin transfer will make it rain from the outside.

It will be interesting to see how the Braves fare against a fast one-on-one defense or a matchup zone, but the women's scrimmage was heartening. Paula Buscher has really had her team playing good basketball the last few years, and it looks as if this year will be more of the same. With Ashleen Bracey finally gone from Illinois State, BU might have the chance to post a victory or two against their archrival.

Surprise of the Night: Lauren Niemiera. "Wheezy" has never gotten a ton of playing time, which is odd considering her height at the guard position (Six-foot even). But she has good skills, can pass well and has a good midrange jumper.

Areas to Improve: Pivot players. Leah Kassing had a good night. She screened well, stayed off the floor and hit her close-in shots. But Latasha Hollingshed and Alyson Spinas-Valainis looked out of sync. Tasha has been dealing with a bad wheel since last season and spent most of the time outside of games in a walking boot, and ASV looks to still be adjusting to the speed of the college game. Both players need to find their gear in time for the season.

Men's scrimmage

Everyone was expecting big things from the new coach's offensive scheme, but I'm pretty sure no one was thinking "I want to see Anthony Thompson shoot from the outside". Granted, it was part of a three-point shooting contest, but the big man hit two of five to help the men's team defeat the women 7-5. "Sticks Did WHAT?" t-shirts are rumored to be going on sale soon.

In the scrimmage, there didn't seem to be the "Seven Seconds or Less"-type offense everyone was expecting. What was present was an element Bradley has been lacking since 2006: balance. Jim Les' guard-heavy lineup is gone, replaced by a 2-2-1 or 2-3 system when Taylor Brown comes back from his suspension (note to TB: stop smoking that green).

Without Dodie Dunson and Andrew Warren, the main focus will be on Dyricus Simms-Edwards to run things on the floor and in the locker room. He's the leader of the team and will be the main outside scoring threat. Walt Lemon's speed and hops will be on display as well; no sign of whether he's improved his jumper.

In the frontcourt, Nate Wells and Anthony Thompson should grab some boards, though the rail-thin duo will get knocked around somewhat. Wells has four years to hit the weight room, but "Sticks'" time is now and he showed some propensity to bang bodies last night. The scoring down low will come from Jordan Prosser, who'll have to contend with getting fouled. A lot.

Defense is where the Braves should shine. Walk-on senior Charonn Woods had a couple of steals in transition, the defense was quick to the ball and collapsed in the paint well, which led to some easy runouts and flashy dunks. If the D looks as good in the non-conference schedule, the Braves could be the surprise of the MVC season.

Surprise of the Night: Shayok Shayok. Don't worry, I watched the scrimmage and I was saving him for last. The kid from Canada (Africa?) is going to be the coolest player on the team. He already has the coolest name (doesn't it sound like a Mortal Kombat character?), is a tweener who can shoot, pass and drive, and uses his wingspan on defense. Say it with me: this boy is going to be a PROBLEM.

Areas to Improve: Outside shooting. Manny's gone and Will Egolf's out for the season, which greatly diminishes the Braves' percentage from beyond 15 feet. DSE can shoot the jumper along with TB, but Brown will take some time to get into the swing of things. Milos Knezevic and Shayok will have to step up.

Entertainment

Last year, the Hoopla affair, which was marked by motorcycle jackets, offbeat player entrances, (Hanna Muegge ran in like a cat, loved it), a dance show by the women's team and big-time audience contests. One kid hit a shot for a free semester's worth of books and two other people walked away with LCD-screen TVs. This year, however, was a bit more muted. The music track didn't come up for the opening video and there wasn't as much team stunts, but the three-point contest was a nice touch.

The audience didn't fare nearly as well this year. The BWW "Blazin' Fan" didn't come close to hitting even a three and the student shooting for free books hit the backboard on his halfcourt attempt. I guess the ringers didn't come out last night.

Surprise of the Night: Anthony Thompson's three-point shooting. Sticks only hit two of five, but that's 40 percent, better than a lot of NBA players' career averages. Yes, I'm joking.

Areas to Improve: Blazin' Fan of the Game. I'm sorry I have to hate on this dude, but he couldn't figure out that he had to sink a trey before he could shoot from halfcourt. Come on, man, haven't you been to a game before?

Overall, the Red-White Scrimmage was promising. The men have nowhere to go but up, and I think the women have a chance to turn a lot of heads within the conference. First non-conference games are in a couple of weeks.

Clock's officially ticking down to March. Until then, see you in the cheap seats.

JS

The Top Five Rivalries in the Game Today...

I've talked about how I realize that sports is a business many times in the space, and I've talked about how I hate that fact. I wish sports was completely pure and free of external complications of contracts, agents and dollars. But spectator sports are what they are because of spectators, and we spectators don't come to watch a game. We come to watch drama play out. We pack buildings and stadiums to watch an age-old drama unfold: the idea of "our good versus their evil."

Nowhere is this more present than in rivalry games. Sometimes they are defined by physical proximity.  Sometimes they are defined by one side having what the other side wants. Sometimes, they're sparked in one fiery instant of passion.

No matter the case, rivalries take sports to another level. It takes athletes from a "both teams played hard"-mentality to the level of "we didn't want to just beat them, we wanted to humiliate them"-mindset. The fans get into it, the players get into it, the announcers get into it. That's when sports become more than sports.

So who claims the greatest rivalry right now? It's tough, since in the age of ESPN almost everyone who plays each other can claim to be a rival, but some bragging rights games just have more significance than others. These are my best current rivalries in U.S. sports.

Honorable Mention: Florida State-Florida, Ohio State-Michigan, Ravens-Steelers, White Sox-Tigers, Reds-Cardinals, Lakers-Mavericks.

5. The Rock-John Cena

This wouldn't have made the list if it wasn't for Dwayne Johnson. Anyone who's ever watched professional wrestling knows The Rock's skill on the microphone. He's a legend among fans for his charisma, wrestling ability and knack for dissing other wrestlers before (and during) matches.

This rivalry was built back in 2006, when John Cena had an interview to promote his movie "12 Rounds". In the interview, Cena dissed The Rock for saying he was never going to leave the WWE and then going "Hollywood". In the years following, Cena has become a polarizing figure for wrestling fans in the so-called "PG era": newer, younger fans rally around his image and merchandise, while older wrestling fans (veterans of the "Attitude" era") decry him for his limited moveset and constant holding of one of the major WWE championships.

The buzz has been going for years on a Rock-Cena match, and finally, Vince McMahon brought The Rock back and granted the fans' wish. Rock cost Cena the championship at Wrestlemania and the next night, the two men set a match for next year's Wrestlemania. In the meantime, the Rock delivered some epic promos, including this doozy below (NSFW):

Sports entertainment or not, this is going to be a great buildup to a hopefully great match. Tip for fans: order this year's Survivor Series for an appetizer.

4. Floyd Mayweather-Manny Pacquiao

I know I've already covered this in "The Fight That Never Comes". Still, it's worth mentioning because of the hype that has been built not by promoters or the fighters themselves, but by the people. Everyone who loves boxing wants this fight, and I don't think they care if they get it in 2012 or 2022. I'll say again: "Money" controlled his fight with Victor Ortiz before the controversial knockout and he's never been a patsy in the ring. Fight fans can say all they want about Manny cleaning him up, this will be a great fight—if it ever happens.

3. Tampa Bay Rays-Boston Red Sox

Oh no, you thought I was going to say Red Sox-Yankees, didn't you? Well, too bad. That rivalry's going on the next list (trust me, anyone who hates seeing Derek Jeter on Sunday Night Baseball all summer is going to love that list). This is a much fresher and much more interesting rivalry for baseball.

The (Devil) Rays were once a floundering team who looked as if they'd never move past "expansion" status. Then they changed their name, their uniforms, stopped picking up veterans at the end of their careers and acquired some talented draft picks. It was only a matter of time before they began barking with the big boys in the AL East, and the bully on the block happened to be the BoSox. It started with a James Shields haymaker that came sooooo close to knocking out CoCo Crisp in 2008 and most recently, the Rays landed the shot that knocked Boston out of the playoffs. If that weren't enough, the Rays came back from nine games back in the standings to push out the Carmines.

These teams are incredibly talented on both sides of the ball and are perennial favorites for the AL East crown and the American League Wild Card. I'm excited to watch these squads go at it. Unlike the perpetual Yankees-Red Sox yawners jammed down our throats.

2. New York Jets-New England Patriots

I didn't give New York vs. New England any play in Major League Baseball, but NYC and Boston will never been anything but adversaries. Since the colonial days when the nation's capital hopped between them, the two cities have never seen eye-to-eye. Now they have another great rivalry to clash over. Last year, the Patriots humiliated the Jets (along with nearly everyone else) on their march to the playoffs and it seemed natural they'd do it again in the divisional playoffs.

And then Mark Skywalker and Bart "Lando Calrissian" Scott defeated the Evil Empire in a shocking win. Wes Welker's "foot-in-mouth" pregame interview was trumped by Scott's "CAN'T WAIT!" spot. Never mind all the smack talk: this is a solid rivalry and one that should be that way for years to come.

All I can say about this one...

And now, the top rivalry in U.S. professional sports today....

1. Chicago Bulls-Miami Heat

Damn you, David Stern. Damn you, NBA owners. Damn you, NBA players' union. How can you let the NBA season slide away and take this budding donnybrook away from us? All the elements of a classic NBA rivalry are here in this one: high flyers against tough defenders; pedigreed champs versus up-and-comers; the glitz and glamor of South Beach versus the tough and gritty kids from Madison Street.

The Bulls were the surprise of the East last year and the Heat was everyone's favorite dartboard target, so it was natural that they should have some great games. I don't think anyone expected the three regular season classics that we were left with last year (three games decided by a total margin of eight points), not to mention the Heat's responding victory in the conference finals. The upstart Bulls were humbled by Miami in the Conference Finals, which still reminds me of the Detroit-Chicago tangles of the late-'80s. With Miami's loss to the Mavericks in the championship, both teams would have been hungry for redemption in the spring. Hopefully this lockout ends and we'll have a chance to see D-Rose and Co. lock horns with Wade, LBJ and that other dude.

Coming soon: The Five Worst Sports Rivalries.

Oh, yeah. Red Sox-Yankees is definitely making that list.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS

"Robin" the Hood: White Sox Grasping at Straws?

It's easy to forget how close the White Sox were to dynasty status in the early '90s.

The youth movement of the mid- to late-1980s was maturing in the form of Ozzie Guillen, Frank Thomas, Alex Fernandez and Wilson Alvarez, not to mention Robin Ventura. The new Comiskey Park (a shrewd move by Jerry Reinsdorf) had kept the Sox from moving to sunny Florida. The American League was wide open; there was no great team holding all the cards.

The Sox went to the ALCS on the strength of Frank Thomas' MVP season (.317, 41 homers, 128 RBI, 54 strikeouts), and though they lost to the eventual champion Blue Jays in six games, the foundation seemed to be in place.

The next year was it. The Big Hurt posted otherworldly stats (.353, 38, 101, 34 doubles, .729 slugging percentage, 109 walks in 113 games) and the Sox were leading the division. 1994 was going to put the White Sox on top of the baseball world.

Then, the strike killed the season.

The White Sox have never really been the same since 1994. They've never had consecutive seasons of being a hungry, contending team, a "team to watch" like the Rays of the last few years.

Now with Ozzie Guillen having taken his talents—I won't even finish that thought—the Sox needed a fresh face at the helm for the 2010s. So naturally they chose Robin Ventura.

Wait. Robin Ventura?

Come again?

Robin Ventura was secretly my favorite player growing up. Big Frank was the guy I wanted to be like, sure. A power hitting first baseman with a great eye at the plate, it's what every kid dreams of. But Robin was left-handed (like me) and wore #23 on my other favorite team during the Jordan Era. There's not much more he could have done to get me to like him.

In August, the Sox hired Ventura to be a scout in the minor league system. I thought, Great, Robbie's back. He'll be great as a scout.

As. A. Scout.

I did not think Kenny and the brass would hire Robin to be the new White Sox manager. Not for one second. A guy with no experience? A volunteer high school hitting coach?

I've detailed in my past writings that White Sox fans are a scrutinizing bunch. We love our former players, especially the ones who contributed, but we'll be skeptical until the wins come in. Robin is going to be under the microscope from jump street and with Kenny unlikely to make any big moves this offseason, he'll have the same team that underachieved HARD last year.

Tough situation to throw a first-year guy into, don't you think?

The Return of Bat Man?

The idea has been bandied about among the masses that Frank Thomas could come in and be the new Sox hitting coach. Personally, I love it. There is absolutely no chance that a man with Big Frank's hitting pedigree could tell hitters the wrong thing to do. Imagine Frank going just a month with Gordon Beckham, imagine it. We'd have the Beckham of 2009 back.

Besides, as Lee Pikelny pointed out, they could start putting out "Bat Man and Robin" t-shirts again. Who wouldn't want to buy those?

Unfortunately, Frank coming to the Sox dugout isn't going to happen anytime soon. Not because he has no coaching experience (they just hired Robin Ventura, for goodness' sake), but because he's been cutting his teeth as a broadcaster for the past few seasons. Any Sox fan has seen Frank on Comcast SportsNet telecast in pre- and post-game segments, and he's said that he wouldn't mind getting into the broadcast booth soon.

As much as I'd like to see Frank teach Alex Rios how to hit a baseball, it won't happen for a long while. Kenny's not that smart.

The road ahead

The Sox aren't in a tailspin after last season, but things are unorganized. The manager's green, the GM's in the unusual position of not knowing his next five moves, and the division's getting stronger. It wouldn't be surprising to see the Sox hanging out in the cellar the next five years or so.

However, there are bright spots. The pitching staff is still young and hasn't hit their ceiling yet. There is potential up and down the lineup (maddening and frustrating potential), and Brent Lillibridge is the new Pablo Ozuna. Another losing season within two years is guaranteed, but who knows? Adam Dunn could discover the Orb of Cyttorak and become the offensive juggernaut he was supposed to be this season. If the pitching maxes out, the Sox could be like the 2010 Giants.

No one could have dreamed that we'd all be saying Robin Ventura is our new manager a month ago. Now, that's all we can do: dream.

It's supposed to be one of the coldest winters in recent memory, Chicago. Better start dreaming of spring training now.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS

Ozzie Guillen: The Man Who (Finally) Said Too Much

Denial

I knew it was coming. Probably months ago, even a year or two ago, but I didn't want to accept it.

Sports is an art form to me. Sports is a great drama, an ancient retelling of Greek or Shakespearean tragedy played out every single day in the farthest-reaching corners of the world. Two sides meet for battle and they clash until one team stands alone.

Sports is artistry in rhythm. The quiet simplicity of the up-and-under, the crossover, the turn of a double play. Moves and plays where the mere mention of their names can conjure immediate stories, fond memories and long-buried heartbreak: "The Shot Heard 'Round the World". "The Catch". "A.J.'s K."

Sports is the representation of perseverance. The idea that one person can survive in the direst of circumstances and still triumph. The idea that one group of players can put aside their differences, band together and stand at the top of their mountain. The idea that a town, a city, a nation, can urge their team to do the impossible.

Sports is all these things. Between the lines.

Once the game is over and the lights are extinguished, sports is a business.

Nothing more.

I've known this, and I've still never been quite able to accept it. I watched players of all talent levels come and go from my teams and I've always missed the little things they've brought to the table. Mike Caruso, Andres Nocioni, Tony Amonte: they were all worth something to me. But they weren't a match for the bottom line, so they weren't worth anything.

Ozzie Guillen is the winningest White Sox manager in fifty years, by my count. He is the most successful Sox manager in terms of postseason appearances and victories, not a hard thing to do on the South Side. And he is, of course, the hands-down favorite for most vocal, straightforward, and honest manager in the game of baseball.

Those are all things I want. Many other fans do, many other fans don't. But to the men in the front office who run the team, he was not worth it.

The word officially came down as soon as last night's game was over. Fittingly, the Sox nearly squandered a three-run lead and only won when A.J. Pierzynski recovered a dropped third strike and stepped on the plate for a forceout. The oddest ending for any Sox game I've seen, and it's still easier to accept than the truth of Ozzie's resignation.

Anger

The Sox mantra during Ozzie's tenure has been "fight, struggle, and survive." They've fought other teams, they've fought the umpires, they've fought the media, and sometimes, they fought amongst themselves. But they were fighters, and on the whole, they were winners.

Why? Because their manager was a fighter, and a winner.

Ozzie Guillen is from Venezuela, a far cry from the cushy neighborhoods of 75 percent of White Sox fans. Let me rephrase that: a far cry from ANY of the neighborhoods of White Sox fans, save for those who live in Englewood or up around the Howard Red Line stop. He embodies the mindset of "tough neighborhood kid". Anyone else in America who comes up that way, we glorify them as an individual, gritty, persevering. But we take a man who came from damn near nothing and turn him into a national joke.

America's funny that way. We praise individualism but live a group mentality. We glorify merit and hard work but then say "it's not what you know, it's who you know."

I think Ozzie would call that idea "horse***."

Bargaining

The staff will most likely be broken up. Many will be happy to see Greg Walker leave, myself included. It's iffy if Harold Baines will stay and Jeff Cox (who was no Joey Cora in the coaching box) is probably an afterthought as well. Don Cooper (aka The Pitching Whisperer) is the only man who has a guaranteed extension, but how will he fare with the new man in charge? Only time can tell.

Still, this pales in comparison to the men that are staying in black and white: Alex Rios, the laziest center fielder in baseball; Carlos Quentin, whom we've been waiting on too long; Will Ohman, a great example for the "never trust a former Cubs reliever" postulate.

Most of all, it should have been Kenny Williams' turn on the spit. Kenny's a smart man with the willingness to barter, but he almost always seems to pick the wrong man. A short list of Kenny's busts: Todd Ritchie, David Wells, Bartolo Colon, Shingo Takatsu, Jerry Owens, Josh Fields, Scott Linebrink, Alex Rios.

The book is still out on CQ; he needs another good year. The young pitchers we've gotten have been good, but Coop takes most of that credit. So shouldn't the blame fall on Kenny?

Jerry Reinsdorf is a businessman who doesn't let his love of the game interfere with economics. He wants a winning team to put fans in the seats. Maybe instead of letting go of the manager, he should take a page from (oh goodness) the Cubs and let go of the GM.

I'd trade Kenny for Ozzie in a heartbeat.

Depression

I don't enjoy winter, especially that period after New Year's Day when there's no more family holidays to look forward to. The snow doesn't mean Christmas anymore, it's just snow. The ground is frozen, the sidewalks are dirty and slushy and the sky is a forlorn gray. Baseball seems a distant dream at the beginning of January.

Now, there's one less favorite Sox personality to look forward to once spring training begins.

Yesterday at work, people were asking me what was wrong. One guy told me "you look like your best friend just died." It's really silly to think that way about a man I've never come close to meeting or being in contact with, but I loved Ozzie as a manager and as a person. Before that, I watched Terry Bevington jam up the works and saw Jerry Manuel go into a Buddhist trance in the dugout. We had the man we needed and he led the starving White Sox fans into the promised land.

My best friend hadn't died so much as moved away.

It's silly to think of it that way, but it's true. Ozzie embodies the spirit of Chicago more than any other successful manager or coach of my lifetime. Ditka was before me, and Joel Quenneville hasn't made that plateau just yet, so Ozzie is the man. Hard-nosed, brutally honest, loyal to his boys, and "$^%& anyone else who's not with us." That's the attitude I want in my White Sox manager, because since the 1950s when they were scrappin' with the Yankees, that has been the attitude of the Chicago White Sox.

It's difficult to let that go.

Acceptance

Baseball is a business. I don't like it but I know what the deal is. Managers have come and gone quicker than the seasons. More successful managers than Ozzie Guillen have been shown the door, some on much worse terms. It's still to be seen if this divorce is followed by arrows flying through newsprint and video clip, but for now, it's a peaceful goodbye.

Ozzie is gone, most likely gone for good. He should get a statue in the outfield with Big Frank and Chuck Comiskey, but it may never happen (probably because no one would want to see a statue of Ozzie making the choke sign).

Ozzie Guillen is a simple man who said what he felt. He wanted more money; the White Sox weren't going to give it to him. He left. Simple.

The complicated fact of it is the White Sox were Ozzie Guillen for the past eight years. They took on his identity and lived it. John Danks and A.J. are fiery competitors who were able to play freely in Ozzie's system. Paul Konerko, the quiet team captain, lived comfortably with Ozzie managing. They understood each other. When the White Sox told Ozzie to keep quiet in 2007, the team faltered badly. The next year, they unclamped him, and the Sox posted one of the most memorable seasons in the past 20 years.

The next man may be better. The next team may be more successful. But they won't have Ozzie.

I don't think I can accept that.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS

The Fight That Never Comes

In approximately 14 months, the most anticipated fight of the last 10 years will finally happen. November 22, 2012. Thanksgiving night, if the NFL doesn't bully its way into a third night game.

Mayweather vs. Pacquiao will finally come to fruition...according to Jalen Rose.

Finally. We have a soothsayer whom we can trust, right? Jalen wouldn't steer us wrong.


Imagine it. Imagine the sheer amount of money that would change hands to watch the fight. The ticket sales at the MGM Grand. The ticket sales at bars and restaurants and movie theaters across America and in the Phillippines. The pay-per-view numbers. The millions of dollars put in at betting houses and the casual bets in office pools. (Not to mention Skip Bayless' secret horror at the fact Mayweather could possibly win.)

It would be the largest gate for a boxing match since the Rumble in the Jungle, which as much anticipation as Ali vs. Foreman.

Imagine it.

For that's all you and I will be able to do.

Wishin', and hopin', and thinkin'

Floyd Mayweather is cocky. He is arrogant. Shoot, he's an asshole. He really hates Larry Merchant, too. But he is a very good fighter. He controlled Victor Ortiz through most of his last fight, and he didn't throw any low blows or cheap shots. Even the supposed cheap punch he took to stun Ortiz was not what it seemed. The gloves had touched and the referee had signaled for continuation.

Somehow, that adds to Floyd's aura as a villain. You can almost see his "Rise" commercial: "Should I really think this ruined my legacy?"

Floyd Mayweather is one of the best welterweights of all time on record alone. He's been rated as Fighter of the Year twice, almost ten years apart. Outside of that, he's a man who believes he is the best of all-time, probably no matter the weight class and is out only for himself, a fact confirmed in his post-bout interview with Merchant. I mean, come on, Floyd, you shouted out your record company?

Muhammad Ali believed he was the best and proved it by losing, coming back and winning. Floyd Mayweather says he's the best, but I don't believe he can come back from a loss; he's never had to. With Pacquiao the last and only clear test left on his horizon, Mayweather's choices are clear: pick up a pencil and take the chance to fail or take a fast powder out of the classroom.

I get the feeling Floyd didn't enjoy tests in school.

Paths diverge and converge, again

Prior to his resounding defeat over Victor Ortiz, the last solid knockout Mayweather scored was against the "Big Show" Paul Wight at Wrestlemania 24. Considering it took four chair shots and a set of brass knuckles (not to mention a "professional" wrestling match), it was somewhat less than a clean victory. It does illustrate the career path of Floyd "Money" Mayweather: entertainer.

We've gone over the shout to his record company after the Ortiz bout. We just mentioned the WWE appearance. Add to that his retirement from boxing in 2007 to focus on his promotional company, as well as his appearance on Dancing with the Stars that same year, and it's clear that "Money" Mayweather truly lives up to his nickname.

Meanwhile, Manny Pacquiao is also one of the greatest fighters of the last decade, but he is not making his bread solely from boxing. His burgeoning political career has been highly publicized by Skip Bayless (I think he mentions it on "First Take" even when they're not discussing boxing), and Pacquaio has done TV work since 2005, most notably in the U.S. after appearing on Tosh.0. Not surprisingly, Tosh took a shot at Mayweather after taking a shot from Pacquiao: "See, Mayweather? That's how a man behaves."

Both these men are well-documented world-class fighters who have the records and the opponents to prove it. And the main link between both of these men is that they're lives will not be lived in the ring. For them, boxing is a means to an end and not the end itself.

That's something George Foreman realized, something Joe Frazier didn't, and something Muhammad Ali couldn't understand.

What if...

The main stumbling block is the random drug testing the Mayweather camp has demanded. What makes it more surreal is that Pacquiao accepted the testing, with the condition that random testing end two weeks before the fight—and Mayweather balked. Why Money chose to not accept Pacquiao's compromise is beyond me. He should have realized the sports world would react the way they have with calling him everything from "afraid" to "coward".

Is "Money" Mayweather afraid of Manny Pacquiao? I honestly don't think so. Would it be the lopsided affair for the Fighting Filipino everyone believes it would be? No. Floyd Mayweather would give Manny a run. Besides, no boxing fan in their right minds wants a two-round KO. They want a fight for the ages.

That, in today's boxing world, is just not possible. Gone are the days of heavyweight bouts past where kids and parents would gather around the radio a la Cinderella Man. Gone are the days when Wide World of Sports would have up-to-the-minute coverage of Ali vs. Frazier with Howard Cosell ever present at ringside. Gone are the days, even, when millions of viewers would put up hard-earned cash on a pay-per-view for Tyson vs. Holyfield and witness the moment of a lifetime.

Those days are gone for boxing. This fight might save the sport, but ultimately, I think Mayweather-Pacquiao would be the final convulsion for the sweet science's professional realm. Perhaps deep down, both of these men realize that and that is why neither will budge on their demands.

But imagine it. Next Thanksgiving, 2012, in the middle of a huge fall sports season. The NBA lockout has ended and football is full-swing, but the world will pause to watch the best in the world settle the question we've been asking for three or four years now.

The day has arrived, the stage has been set
Everyone in America has laid down a bet
The Strip is deserted, the schools were closed down
Tonight, this is the only ticket in town.
"I knew it couldn't happen, I knew he wouldn't show"
Says Skip Bayless loudly from his seat in the front row.
"He's afraid of Pacquiao—" SMACK! "You know what?"
"The fight's starting," says Jalen. "Skip, please shut up!"
And then a roar in the grandstand, a roar in the rafters
Surely there's only one thing that can come after
And yes, it's Mayweather, his posse in tow
The Pretty Boy finally decided to show
His face is a mask, he's ready to settle
They've called him a coward, it's time to prove mettle.
Larry Merchant is ringside, preparing his cards
"I wonder what Floyd will say after getting hit so hard?"
Now the time has come, they're both in the ring
It's time to determine who's really the king
And as they touch gloves and the bell rings...


We all wish this could be more than a beautiful dream.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS

A South Side Love Story, Part 2

"See the worst thing they can give guys like you, Shane, is hope."

The arrival of September has brought the typical signs of the coming fall. Bleary-eyed students walk to their early classes. Halloween candy is on-sale obscenely early, and a 90-degree heat wave in Peoria marks summer's last stand.

The other common signs of September are also apparent: the Cubs are already looking forward to next year, the Bears are doing something or other in preseason (NOT UNTIL JERRY'S GONE!), and my beloved White Sox are in the thick of the chase for the AL Central title.

Were in the thick of the division race, I should say.

A three-game shellacking at the hands of the Tigers pushed all but the most starry-eyed of Sox fans off the bandwagon. Which means, of course, your resident romantic is still driving the bus.

Make a choice, already

It's not like the Sox have been the popular pick to make a bold move this season. Even when they were only 5.5 games out of the lead, none of ESPN's experts were high on them to catch the Tigers. That was to be expected, since everyone had actually watched them play more inconsistently than the Bad-News Bears.

The Sox aren't a juggernaut. They aren't overachieving. In fact, they aren't underachieving. It's more drastic than that. They're downright flighty.

Remember the girls (or even guys, I know women are reading this as well) you've dated who couldn't ever make a simple decision? The ones who'd need a pro-con list to decide between McDonald's and Wendy's? That's the White Sox.

There's no other way to describe a team that gets swept in a critical late-season series (losing the final game by 13 runs), then sweeps a doubleheader the very next day against the team that has been the bane of their existence all season.

On the road, no less.

Add in the fact that the struggling rookie pitcher who was picked up at the trade deadline came six outs within a perfect game in the nightcap, and you have the 2011 Chicago White Sox.

McDonald's or Wendy's, McDonald's or Wendy's. Why don't you pick?

Optimism hurts

The Indians are feeling the pain, too. The Tribe moved into second place after the White Sox's debacle of a weekend and probably thought they had a chance. But they took a sweep from the Bengals as well, culminating a "snatching-defeat-from-the-jaws-of-victory" loss this afternoon. Sounds familiar, right?

I have a good friend that an Indians fan, and I'm wondering if he's thinking the same thing I am: Maybe it's not us. Maybe the Tigers are just that good. After all, they have Justin Verlander (who is probably a hologram) and a video game-type lineup. Even Brandon Inge is hitting and I think I saw some of the duct tape peeling off his knees.

Maybe the Tigers are just that good.

For the Sox, the past five days can be described this way:

Friday: Girl calls: "Hey, I want to talk." "What about?" "...About us."
Saturday: (First seven innings) "Listen, I really think you're a great guy and I've loved the time we've spent together...(last two innings)...that's why I think we should break up."
Sunday: Spend day crying in the house watching "Brian's Song" to fend off the questions of why you're crying.
Monday-Tuesday: Phone rings. "Hello?" "Hey, sorry about what I said. I think I was making a mistake. Do you want to meet up somewhere?"

It wouldn't be fair to say any coherent person would say no. There have been too many R&B hits about this very situation. However, I think I'd be smart enough to say no when the girl called me.

But this isn't a relationship. This is baseball.

So for the last two weeks of the 2011 season, I'm going to watch every single White Sox game and hope feverishly that the boys can pull out a miracle finish. Hope the Tigers stumble and fall.

This time, I'm hoping my girl doesn't play me for a fool.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS