Court Vocabulary

I thought I was on another planet the first time I played a gave of five-on-five at Bradley.

"All right, we're going to 15 by ones and twos", the kid said. I stopped in my tracks.

"Ones and twos?"

"Yeah, ones and twos."

"You mean twos and threes?" I said. Now they looked at me like I was from another planet.

I hadn't played or watched any game of basketball that used ones and twos in my life. I was from Chicago, where every single game was played to 32 by twos and threes. Never mind that just about every game stopped after the first few makes to figure out the score, or that fouls only started getting called when one team was two or three baskets away from winning. That's how the game was played.

Basketball, like any sport, has its own unique vocabulary, and Chicago differentiates itself more still. So if you ever do want to play ball with Derrick Rose (or myself), you've got to talk the talk before you can skywalk the skywalk. Here's a quick guide of playground terms:

twos and threes: n. Traditional method of scoring a pickup basketball game. Used in Chicago (and I'm guessing in most of the world).

ones and twos: n. Second method for scoring a pickup basketball game. Used in practice by sanctioned teams and in South Central Illinois.

baby: v. To dominate another player during a game, usually in the post. Synonymous with "son". Ex.: Remember the '01 Finals, when Shaq babied Mutombo?

Oh, you didn't remember? Here's a reminder clip.

cash: n. inj. Phrase shouted when a player shoots a jump shot; used to taunt an opposing player. Syn. money, burner, cookies

crip: n. When players are shooting around and a player's shot is rebounded, he is usually given the ball back for one last shot or layup, called a "crip". If this is not given, it is a sign of disrespect ("You're not going to give me my crip, joe?")

hoop: v. To play basketball. Ex.: Where are people trying to hoop?

joe: n. Way of greeting another person. Used whether the person's name is known or not. Can also be spelled as "jo". Originated in Chicago. Ex.: Wassup, joe?

 "Wassup Jo" by Chicago/Pennsylvania duo Kidz in the Hall

son: n. 1. Way of greeting another person, used whether the person is known or not. Originated in New York City. 2. n. Derogatory term for another person. Ex.: You're not on my level, son.  2. v. To dominate another player on the court, usually in the post. Ex.: Did you see dude just son that fool from Garfield Park?

 As I said, this just a short glossary of terms, so if you have any more that you know, send them to my e-mail jakestanley17@yahoo.com. In the meantime, feel free to use any of these while you're watching the Bulls-Lakers game today. Here's a free one to get you started: "Dag joe, D-Rose just babied Steve Blake hard. Guess the Lake Show didn't come to hoop."

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and see you in the cheap seats.

JS