What's Good: The Five "WOOOOOO!"'s of the Holiday (Sports) Season

It's almost a cop-out to do a holiday-themed blog post. I'll admit (okay, I'll brag), the Martin Luther King Day post on LeBron James was different, but it was still a "there's a holiday coming up, let's write something relating to that!" entry.

However, Thanksgiving is a winter sports tradition. There's the dozens of football games on Thanksgiving Day, college basketball throughout the weekend, hockey, and of course, the many families who go outside and take it upon themselves to work up a sweat through spirited competition, whether it be over the pigskin or the puck.

Things are somewhat bleak this Turkey Day without pro basketball and the recent injury to Bears' QB "Baby Fat" Jay Cutler, but never fear, Chicagoans: there is always something sports related to make you smile. So without further ado, I give you the first annual LitCS "Thanksgiving WOOOOO!" List.

Why the "WOOOOO!", you ask? Because there is no greater symbol of elation and joy than Ric Flair (see below).

Ah, Al Snow. You never cease to be unimpressive.

Now, for the list:

5. The Cubs have Theo Epstein.

Am I mad? Yes. Have I scoffed repeatedly and said, "Theo, no Theo, the Cubs still are going to tank?" Yes.

Am I frightened they might be good? You bet I am.

Theo Epstein played the Boy Wonder in Boston, bringing the Red Sox their first championship in 86 years. Then, rather than have them wait another near-century, he put the pieces in place for another chip in 2007. Theo is an incredibly smart man, a part of the "sabermetrics generation" of MLB, and like Kenny Williams, he's not afraid to damn the stats every once in awhile and go for a high-profile free agent. With Theo as prez and Tom Ricketts' bankroll, the Cubs could finally start to win consistently. (I'm going to go vomit now.)

4. No Bulls means no Boozer.

Carlos Boozer and Chris Bosh have more in common than initials. They both play the power forward spot, they are both skilled around the basket, and they were the most maligned players on the two best teams in the Eastern Conference. Bosh was able to get some under-the-radar redemption due to his solid playoff number, but Booz almost disappeared for the Bulls (unless Derrick Rose was dunking on Joel Anthony. Then you could hear Carlos screaming from Alaska.)

The Bulls might not be playing, but at least we don't have to see Booz fail in those many in-game situations where he's supposed to succeed. Such as playing defense.

3. It's Caleb Time!

If you've buried the memory of the Bears' painful loss to the Packers in last season's NFC Championship game, try and dig up a sequence from the fourth quarter. Specifically, the minutes between Jay's knee injury and B.J. Raji's stupid dance.

Todd Collins came in to replace Jay and, as he has been his entire life, was ineffective. So Lovie was left with no choice but to go with third-stringer Caleb Hanie. He promptly threw an interception which the Packers returned for a touchdown, seemingly sealing the game. Thousands of Bears fans probably turned off their TVs in disgust at that point and prepared themselves for the lonely coming winter.

Those thousands of fans missed Hanie's next two drives: a TD pass to Earl Bennett up the left sideline, and a scintillating drive to the Packer 30-yard-line. Of course, the next throw was the pick to Raji that ended the ballgame, but it didn't matter. The unknown Caleb Hanie had come into the largest game of his professional career and stood tall. He threw picks, sure, but he didn't shy away from what he had to do. Erase one of those bad throws, and the Bears take Green Bay to overtime.

Now, it's Caleb's turn again. With three mid-level opponents on the upcoming schedule (Raiders, Chiefs, Broncos), it will be a litmus test for the man I hope will be Chicago's next folk sports hero.

2. Steve Breaston pays homage to the once-great Razor Ramon.

If you haven't watched the "E:60" piece on pro wrestler Scott Hall, do so. It's a sobering reminder of the dangers of drug abuse while living the good life as an entertainer. The man my mother still calls "Razor Ramon" is little more than a shell of a man ravaged by drugs, alcohol, and injuries.

Still, he was great in his time, and his macho image has not been forgotten. Especially in the case of Steve Breaston, who oozed a little machismo with this touchdown celebration:

Steve wanted "the world and everything in it." Too bad he's with the Cardinals.

At this point, don't be sad for Scott Hall. Be happy for his time as "The Bad Guy".

1. The New Braves first appearance on the national stage.

It's been a short honeymoon for the new Bradley Braves and they've lived through the early fire, with a record of 3-1. Their first loss came yesterday to familiar foe Wofford. Now they face their first true test of the season: Friday night against 11th-ranked Wisconsin at the Chicago Invitational Challenge.

It's not the same as going into Cameron Indoor Stadium after a slew of injuries to face top-ranked Duke, but the Braves will have to climb the proverbial mountain in order to challenge Bo Ryan's Badgers. The matchup to watch: Wisconsin's Jordan Taylor vs. Dyricus Simms-Edwards. The dynamic point guards have to ability to slash, finish in the traffic, and hit jump shots. Whoever defends the perimeter the best should have the advantage. I'll be tweeting from the game, so follow me @kwandarykitten for updates on Friday.

For all you Sox and Blackhawks fans out there, don't worry. There's still promise for your squads yet. So tomorrow afternoon, join hands with your families, take stock of your life and be thankful for everything you do have. Remember: the seats may be cheap, but at least you got to the game.

Happy Thanksgiving, and see you in the cheap seats.

WOOOOOO!

JS

Bravehearts V1E4: Bradley vs. SEMO

And that's why grown men play the game.

In case you didn't know Braves fans, I'll let you know: it won't get any easier.

There will be more games like this. They will be stomach-turning. You'll lose your voice from screaming, whether your anger is directed towards the television, the opposing players or the referees. The wins will be as draining as the losses, and the losses will be worse than losing could ever be.

What we do know is the Bradley Braves will play until the absolute last tenth of a second has ticked away. It came down to that last tenth of a second yesterday night for victory to be assured, but when the buzzer sounded, the Braves had come out on top against Southeast Missouri State.

For the time being, we can breathe a sigh of relief and quote those tongue-in-cheek "Bradley Football" t-shirts:

Still Undefeated.

Final Score: Bradley 66, SEMO 65


I won't lie, I didn't take notes at this one. Anything I wrote would have become a jumble of lines on the page with some barely decipherable phrases: "Hayden...ugly shot...no free wings...Jake BEASTMAN...Okenna does look like Ewing...oooh, Dyricus' leg is...GIMME THAT BALL!" It wasn't as big as the Wisconsin game will be next weekend or the Illinois State game in January, but this was the first real game on campus since before the student body was born and the place was full (at least until halftime. More on that later.)

Suffice it to say I lost my voice before five minutes had ticked away in the first half. If you haven't been to the Coliseum yet, disregard the silly name and GO. The building is loud, not as loud as the Fieldhouse was, but loud. There is not a bad seat in the place, and the women's team will be making noise this year.

Now that we're done with that shameless plug, the grades:

Offense: B-. Once again, there were signs, but they came in spurts. Jordan Prosser had a rugged 15 points and seven boards while taking a beating from SEMO's bigs, while Dyricus Simms-Edwards and Walt Lemon, Jr. scored 13 and 11, respectively. The outside shooting was on for the Braves (5-12 from the arc, two of those from my man Shayok Shayok) and give credit to Jake Eastman (five points, a trey, five assists and five boards in 25 minutes) for giving the Braves a great lift off the bench. The team shot well at 55 percent, but 14 turnovers is too many, especially when most of them came on lost balls on drives to the basket.

Defense: B+. Bradley is going to get hurt on defense in the paint. They're just too small with Egolf out. SEMO showed a lot of hustle and either tipped or took away rebounds from the Braves on multiple occasions and turned them into 12 second-chance points. The Redhawks also exploited Bradley down low on backcuts to the basket and on drive-and-kick plays against the zone. But Bradley held SEMO without a free thew for the last minute and a half of the game, and two sequences ended up giving them a win: Eastman grabbing the rebound of Marland Smith's missed free throw (which would have made it a three-point game), and Charonn Woods' full-court, one-on-one defense and contest on Marcus Brister's desperation jumper (see Kirk Wessler's blog at the Journal Star website).


Atmosphere: A. I might be biased, but the band put in work. The cheerleaders and dance team did a great job with their routines, and the cheerleaders especially kept to the throwback theme by wearing uniforms from different eras of Bradley sports. However, this grade rests on the shoulders of the fans. I'll say it again: the place was LOUD. The fans, who have an average age of 45, got into this one. The students weren't the only ones making themselves heard. I would have deducted for the portion of students that took off after halftime, but they don't matter. The fans wanted this one and showed it.




This season won't be an easy ride. The ballclub is eventually going to have to take a few tough losses to effectively bond. The conference schedule is miles away, but some tough foes are waiting. Still, the Braves now know they can win games like this and they know what they have to do to win games like this. Doesn't make for immediate success, but it will make things very interesting when January rolls around.

You hear that, Northern Iowa?


It's BRADLEY, SON.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS

Bravehearts V1E3: Bradley vs. Missouri-Kansas City

Note: The seats may be cheap, but I can't afford them every game, right? Thankfully, we've got a lot of talented writers here in the balcony. Kevin McClelland is a 2011 graduate of Bradley University, and as a Cleveland native, he knows the ignominy of waiting until next year (sorry, man). Here are K-Mac's thoughts on Bradley's first real men's basketball game of 2011-12.


First and foremost, let's begin with the vitriol I spit at the UMKC coach, Matt Brown:

"Hey! You coach D-I basketball, at least put on a necktie!"

What self-respecting Division I coach has the gall to NOT wear a tie with his shirt? How hard is this to comprehend? Sheesh.

Now, for the game.

Final Score: Bradley 68, UMKC 58

Slow start on both sides. UMKC has some shooters, but that's about it. Jordan Prosser went "beast mode" and was the man on the boards—a career-high 17 rebounds, five offensive, giving the Braves a 44-33 rebounding edge. He has added some bulk and UMKC had little to no height advantage. Translation: he dominated inside defensively. His 12 points were also a career high. 

DSE had 21- including an impressive 10-11 from the line—more free throws than UMKC made as a team (7 of 18; one guy was an ugly 1 for 8). He was his usual athletic self, taking a breakaway steal and dunking it home late in the first half before UMKC tied it with a three-pointer to make it 29-all going into the break.

Taylor Brown's baseline J is still silky smooth, and nothing was rusty about his game: 20 points on 8-13 shooting and 4-4 from the line proves it. He had some great offensive rebounds (five, to be exact) which quickly turned into easy points in the paint. TB is excellent within 12 feet of the rim and his athleticism makes it easy for him to fake out and overpower opponents. He had a great block after a UMKC rebound—just hopped up and pinned it on the backboard. If he keeps his head out of his ass (no smoking!), he'll score 20 or more on everybody this season. 

Shayok Shayok and Walt Lemon did not have great games—in fact, barely approaching good. Walt DID have one helluva of a block in the second half that energized the team defensively.

However, I cannot shake the image of Jake BEASTman (Eds. note: that nickname WILL stick) coming out of nowhere to block a shot into the student section, and then again on the next possession. His energy and hustle can't be beat. He finished with a very quiet but important 12 points to go along with the aforementioned two  blocks, three boards, two assists, and a pair of steals. We'll need that from him every game. 

Things to work on: 

-GET SOME STUDENTS IN THE STANDS. Pitiful attendance for "the start of the Geno Ford era." (I hate that people are calling it that- it's not the second coming, for Pete's sake.)

-Get Walt to slow down. He's got great vision and his speed is unquestioned, but he needs to slow down mentally and use his skills in ways that help the team. 

-Stay aggressive defensively. The Braves showed lapses in their defense, and UMKC took advantage. TB lost his man on an easy back cut; can't have that. 

We've got a good team, not a great team, and by no means do I expect us to finish in the top half of the Valley but if we overachieve, then anything is possible.

Did he just say, "Anything is possible?" That's my line!

There's always next year,

KDM


When he's not cursing the name of The-Akron-Basketball-Player-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named, Kevin McClelland works for Bradley's Admissions Department and is the public address announcer for BU women's basketball and volleyball. Check out his blog, "At Least We're Not Detroit", at http://atleastwerenotdetroit.wordpress.com.

Bravehearts, V1 Issue 2: Bradley Vs. College of Wooster

Honestly, I wasn't sure what to expect from Bradley Tuesday night.

We've already gone over the facts of the upcoming season: Will Egolf's season-ending injury, brand new coach, brand new system, coming off an awful year, picked to finish last in the conference. After the pregame was finished and the lineups were announced, there was one more wrinkle to consternate Braves fans: two starting freshmen.

Yes, the fair-haired giant Nate Wells and Shayok Shayok (come on, say it out loud, it's so much fun) were in the starting lineup for Bradley in their final exhibition game against Division III College of Wooster. Even more unexpected, Jordan Prosser was out after emergency visit to the dentist. 

Note: Disregard the basketball game for a second: wouldn't that just mess up your week? Emergency dental work and you've got to be at practice the next day, playing the post, getting fouled, probably take a couple of shots in the mouth. Lousy.

Final: Bradley 81, CoW 71

I've heard the same thing from a lot of older Bradley fans this preseason, including myself: "I remember when we used to blow out the teams in these exhibition games." Yessir, Will Franklin, Daniel Ruffin and Zach Andrews would run, juke and dunk all over teams from the lower division when they came to Carver Arena years ago. Too bad those days are over. This game was a bit of a test for the team's newcomers and it will be a good while before Mean Geno and the boys are running all over preseason foes in preparation for the season.

That being said, the Braves displayed some of the talents that were criminally overlooked in the preseason ballots. Dyricus Simms-Edwards is in his third year on the Hilltop and has had to grow up quickly following Sam Maniscalco's injury and the departures of Manny, Dodie Dunson and "The Only One" Andrew Warren. Instead of faltering or stepping back, DSE has taken on a leadership role in this team while dramatically improving his game. Tuesday night was no exception. He was the first man in the huddle on stoppages in play and he was visibly upset when he connected on his first outside shot with eight minutes to go in the first half.

Dyricus has always had the ability to drive and finish, and after putting in work in the weight room, he can now score and absorb contact. He finished the half with a contorted scoop nearly underneath the basket after taking a shove from two of Wooster's big men, and he squeezed through three bodies for a lefty layup when it seemed there was no clear path to the hole. Not to put stars in your eyes, but he's starting to remind me of this guy...

Note DSE changed his jersey number to "1". Coincidence?

On the other side of the floor, Walt Lemon Jr. was incredibly impressive. Anonymous sources told me Walt shoots 200 threes and 100 free throws after every practice, and it showed. Walt came in last year with hops, speed and a suspect jump shot; Tuesday, Lemon hit three treys in the first half alone and sank both free throws after a foul. If he can consistently hit that jumper, no one in the conference will be able to guard him one-on-one. With his and Dyricus' abilities on offense and defense, they are a top-3 guard tandem in the MVC. Maybe the best in the conference.

Highlights: 3-2 zone defense that was in at the R-W Scrimmage looks to be a staple of the Ford Era; pays dividends with a Taylor Brown steal and two-handed jam...Walt Lemon stretches defense with early three-pointers...Jake Eastman plays extended minutes, will be nice off the bench...Shayok Shayok has a Jordan-on-Mercer block, dribbles the length of the court, loses a defender with a behind-the-back dribble and gets fouled on the layup attempt.

Lowlights: Wells has a lot of trouble defending in the post, gets beaten on weak side multiple times...Anthony Thompson has a decent offensive game but gets whistled for two offensive fouls, one 10 seconds after entering...Braves miss four of six FTs in first half...zone defense susceptible in the post; Sticks and Wells beaten on penetration and passes to cutters under the basket.

Did You Notice...the backup point guards? Limestone product Donivine Stewart and St. Louis walk-on Charonn Woods played well off the bench. One turnover for both, and Woods had a great steal and assist late in the first half.

Oh, before I forget...Dyricus had the play of the night midway through the second half as he turned the corner baseline, lost the defender and YAMMMMED ON 'EM for a one-handed dunk.

Grades:

Offense: C+. This is a preseason game against a DIII team and while the Braves were up 15 with three minutes to go, they still showed signs of weakness in halfcourt offense. The ball tended to bog down, and if the defense clogged the lane on drives, the passes weren't going to the perimeter. Even with Walt's new outside game, Bradley is still lacking in jump shooters.

Defense: B. No matter who you play, the defense has to be solid for you to have a chance, and Bradley might have the best perimeter D in the Valley. Dyricus, Walt, Shayok and Lil' Jake are all going to ballhawk at the arc, and Sticks and Nate will use their length to get blocks, change shots and force weak passes. Bradley did get beat on isos in the post (notably Nate), but give the big man time to mature and he'll be a force down low.

Atmosphere: Incomplete. The band was not present at this game (Come on, Dr. Vroman!), but as usual, the stadium music did not live up to the college standard. Half the time you couldn't hear it, the other half, it was super huff. The fans weren't catatonic, but they weren't exactly blowing the roof off. I'll give everyone a pass due to it being an exhibition, but the Bradley fan base needs to step its game up. You can't just fill the house for Illinois State.

So that's that. The Braves finish preseason 2-0 and will do it for real on Sunday against Missouri-Kansas City. I expect Bradley to have a better record than expected through non-conference play and trust me when I say this: this squad will be in their games against Wisconsin and Michigan.

IT'S BRADLEY, SON.

See you in the cheap seats, Bravehearts.

JS

The Day the Monsters Reawakened

Let's set the scene:

It's Monday, I'm sitting at home, wondering what to write/eat/watch on TV before I go in to another awful day of work. Then my roommate CRAW calls with news: he got two prime seats for tomorrow's Bradley game. I'm hopelessly excited to get the chance to see the College of Wooster in action, but then he tells me he's going to watch the Bears game.

I'm torn. I've been cheating on my boycott all season anyway, but as the only opponent to the Jerry Angelo Era, I can't be weak on this.

On the other hand, it's Bears-Eagles which not only means I'll get a chance to see Michael "Rottweiler" Vick, but I can finally do one of those Bill Simmons 'game diary' blogs. You know, the ones where he writes down what he's thinking at various times, makes fun of the refs, commercials, announcers and all that. Can't pass that up, right?

A stronger man would've done the right thing. Unfortunately, I haven't been to the gym in about five months. Here's a recap of last night's Chicago-Philly game:

First Quarter


14:54: First play from scrimmage: a Matt Forte run for seven yards. I imagine Mike Martz tied up in the coaches' box, screaming profanities.

12:22: Jay-Jay, inches from being sacked, throws off his back foot for a first down to Earl Bennett. Too stunned to cheer.

9:52: Forte stuffed for a two-yard loss. Uh oh, there's the first appearance of the Jay Cutler Face...

Can you believe Devin dropped another pass, ref? So unfair.

9:20: Hold on though! A touchdown pass to the "Tight End Not Named Greg Olsen" has the Bears up early. 12 plays, 79 yards and amazingly, 52 of those via the run. Martz is still yelling oaths through duct tape.

9:15: First appearance of my dog Vick (yes, there'll be more of those jokes). Robbie Gould puts the kickoff out of bounds, then quick Eagles first down. Bad sign?

6:39: Hmm, tipped pass. Thought Urlacher was getting too old, y'all?

6:30: Those military commercials feel so much less patriotic without the Hank Williams Jr. intro.

5:30: Another awkward pass to Not Greg Olsen. Now I'm getting intrigued.

5:15: And there's Stupid Penalty #1: 12 men in the huddle. Come on, man.

1:54: Jay ate his Wheaties today. He'll need it; Eagles have closed down the running lanes. By the way, how many times are Jaws and Jon going to sing the praises of Lance Louis tonight?

:51: You can tell the ESPN guys are waiting for Vick to get his inner greyhound on. So has all of football guys; nothing doing yet.

Second Quarter

15:00-3:52: Left the house and stopped at WacArnold's on the way to the bar. Not so bad, got to hear Jeff Joniak and Tom Thayer call the Major Wright interception. "And Vick's pass...IT'S PICKED OFF! Maaay-jor Wright!" I miss WBBM.

You, sir, are ridiculous.

3:30: Vick finally breaks a run! Too bad it's for two yards. So much for that aging Bears D.

1:51: CRAW on Devin Hester: "He's a runner, not a catcher." Very observant for someone who doesn't watch a lick of football.

1:38: Forte fumbles, Eagles run it in for a touchdown. Jay Cutler Face, Take 2.

Come on, Matt, you're on my fantasy team.

1:38: Thank goodness it's under two minutes in the first half, otherwise Lovie would challenge and lose a timeout.

1:34: Back-to-back offsides on Philly, then a false start on the Bears. Penalty score: 4-3 in favor of the Eagles.

1:00: Corey Graham said GIMME THAT BALL, BUDDY!

:50: How long has it been since Jay made a good throw? Years? Did those Wheaties wear off?

:43: Corey Graham's grown-man business,  a stupid Philly penalty and look at that—the Bears are on top at the half.

:32: Jeremy Maclin is ruining the Rottweiler's night. One catch, three drops.

0:00: Bears on top 17-10 at the break. The forced fumble was the quickest momentum shift I've seen since the Saints onside kick (sorry, Styx.)

Halftime notes


-It's a lot easier to watch "The Fastest 3 Minutes" with the sound off.

-More fun: watching the game at a hipster/non-sports bar. So far we've discussed inventing new drinks (look up a Georgia Moon), Jeff Bridges' incredibly scary voice, and the animosity between gays and bisexuals. Didn't even know about that.

Third Quarter


14:25: Two Vick runs and a first down to Brent Celek. Philly looking more like...well, Philly.


9:35: LeSean McCoy gets tired of Vick failing and makes the Bears look silly on a touchdown. Subsequently ESPN shows off their muscle by running a sports science highlight reel. I'm so sad that Disney owns everything Google doesn't.

8:10: Man, they still have Icy Hot commercials with Shaq in the fake Suns jersey?

7:25: Starting the "Pay Matt Forte" telethon. I think Bears' fans will be willing to donate...

7:24: ...Until he fumbles again! Thanks for that graphic about him not fumbling in over a year, guys!

6:25: Great, they just turned on the sound on the bar TV. Who's Jon Gruden going to jock today?

5:52: Two Cutler fumbles, two Philly scores. Wait, what? That wasn't Jay, that was Forte? Sorry, force of habit.

5:37: Jay Cutler Face #3 of the night as Roy Williams channels his inner Clifford Franklin.

First I was afraid, I was petrified...

2:53: CRAW and I have the following conversation:

C: Who's that dude with the long-ass name?

Me: Dominick Rodgers-Cromartie. He's like the fastest dude in football (oops, not true).

C: Is he the one they just did that highlight reel on?

Me: No, that was LeSean McCoy.

C: Then why the **** do I care about the other dude?

Again, doesn't watch a lick of football. He gets this game.

:30: They show a giant "THIRD DOWN" graphic on the stadium screen. Really, Philly? You need to be reminded what down it is?

:00: DWIGHT HOWARD! Now I really want Modern Warfare 3.

Fourth Quarter

14:56: It's official: Julius Peppers would be my first pick on my "professional players for pickup sports" team. For basketball and football. (LeBron is number two, then D-Rose.)

13:50: Bears draw Stupid Penalty #3 (holding), then Jay makes a ridiculous play to avoid a sack and gain positive yards. I'm actually cheering now, while the two hipster girls next to me make bored faces.

12:18: Fade route, TD, Earl Bennett! Jay does a half-Dougie before jogging to the sideline. No sign of the Face in at least 20 minutes.

12:18: This Droid Razr commercial is like the Immortals trailer: overhyped and saturating the airwaves. Makes me severely doubt the product.

11:38: Vick FINALLY starting to make plays. Jon Gruden FINALLY has a chance to dick-ride.

5:30: Uh oh, about time to head to work. Leave the bar to find I locked my keys in my car. Run down the street for my carpool without my proper work equipment, and I'm more concerned about the defense holding steady.

4:00: ESPN Mobile is terrible. Gould FG has Bears up by six. Is it Vick time?

1:39: Jeremy Maclin needs 10 yards on a fourth down; gets nine. Somewhere, JJ Stankevitz cries out in despair.

0:00: Bears hold on to win, 30-24! It's looking like another six-day week at work, but I'm just happy the Bears are a game back of the Lions for second place in the division. Jay-Jay outplayed Vick and Matt Forte got a chance to make something happen.

I suppose being steadfast and holding your ground is a bit overrated when it comes to boycotts. After all, someone will wise up and fire Jerry at the end of the season, right?

Unless....the Bears actually make the playoffs...

Hmmm, maybe I'll play consistently this year. Then Kristin will love me again.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS

Who's Killing the NBA Season?

Last night, the Chicago Bulls and Dallas Mavericks opened the NBA season in one of the most anticipated matchups of the year. The reigning champs had all their stars back on the court and the Bulls, defeated by the Miami Heat in the Eastern Conference Finals, were hungry to show they had taken the next step.

It was a classic opening night battle. "Dizzy" Dirk Nowitzki made his usual flurry of awkward fadeaways, turnaround jumpers and hopsteps to the hole; Derrick Rose swooped and spun his way faster than DeShawn Stevenson could talk trash; Rick Carlisle's part was skillfully played by his body-double, Jim Carrey; and in a stunning move, Tom Thibodeau lost his voice before the game even started after one of his kids nearly ran out into traffic.

Seriously, I can't make this up.

The game was tied at 94-all with two minutes left in the fourth quarter. The fans in Dallas had whited-out the entire building; no one had been sitting since the start of the final stanza. Reggie Miller and Steve Kerr were fighting over the seat next to Marv Albert so they could do color for every D. Rose play. Caron Butler was still ugly, but shooting up a storm.

The stage was set: twenty seconds to go. Dallas with the ball, and Taj Gibson guarding the German. Carlos Boozer on the bench with his leg wrapped like a mummy (he got injured on the jump ball because his shoes were untied), screaming encouragement...

...while Joakim Noah and Mark Cuban were trading insults about each other's mothers.

Suddenly, the ball's in Dirk's hands. 10 seconds on the clock. Low post, one on one with Taj. No fouls to give, seven seconds. Dirk turns right, he turns left, six. Fakes right again, five, steps back, Taj steps with him, four, leans back and falls away, three, the shot goes up in an impossible arc, two, floats to the rim, one. And as the buzzer sounds, the ball touches the front rim...

Then I woke up. Another cloudy day in a basketball-free world.

I want myyyyyy, I want my N-B-A....

Last season was the best for the NBA since 2007-08. Not too long of a time span for sure, but you have to understand: that the season the Celtics created the first "Semi-Artificial Nucleus" in the history of the League (being that only one of the players was drafted by that team), leading to the Celtics and Lakers meeting in the Finals for the first time since 1987.

The two teams did not disappoint, even though the Celtics blew out Los Angeles in Game 6, as the series was a solid fight between storied franchises. The highlight was Paul Pierce faking his way to legendary status in Beantown after returning from a leg injury in Game 1. Oops, did I say faking? My fault, let Kenny and Charles say it for me:

"Oh, is this the fake Willis Reed moment?"

That Finals put the NBA solidly at the forefront of professional winter sports. Hockey will continue to jockey (ooh, rhyme) with the hardwood for prominence, but the NBA was back. Then last season, You-Know-Who took his talents to South Beach and put the bullseye on Miami for years to come, and that was before a raucous playoffs that saw:

-A #8 seed defeat a #1 seed for only the fourth time in history (Grizzlies over the Spurs);

-The Nuggets reach the playoffs without Carmelo;

-The Mavericks, long regarded as "soft", finally win their elusive ring;

-The Bulls-Heat begin what should be a long battle for Eastern dominance;

-The Hawks pull off a surprising victory over the Magic, fueling reports that Dwight may leave town;

-The possible final death knell of the Kobe Bryant-era in Lakerland after an embarrassing defeat to Dallas.

All that meant this season of the National Basketball Association was going to be rife with storylines, headlines and for once, not many punchlines (mostly how long Mike Brown was going to stay in L.A.). Forget the teams I named above: Ricky Rubio was finally coming to Minnesota, Blake Griffin had to following his ridiculous rookie season, the Cavs had Kyrie Irving and a small shot at redemption, the Pacers turned heads last year and New York would have 'Melo, Amare and Chauncey for a full season.

This season was going to be YUGE. An absolute financial waterfall for the money men involved. Then, someone turned off the faucet. The question is, who?

The unusual suspects

For once, I can't blame David Stern for this one. He's the commissioner, yes, and he does have final say, but I doubt King David is throwing a wrench into these labor talks. However, the possible culprits are out there.

The owners

'Woe is me' is the call from the lofty perch of NBA ownership. According to the espn.com synopsis of the work stoppage, the owners say they're losing money due to high player salaries and a soft salary cap. I'm not one for business sense at all, but it seems to me that sports franchise owners are the ones who started this trend of paying ridiculous amounts of money for players to come to their teams (George Steinbrenner, rest in peace). That's my opinion, though, and the owners want a hard cap to stop their money losses. Seeing as they don't play the game and usually are earning capital outside of their franchises (see: Jay-Z/Mikhail Prokhorov, Jerry Reinsdorf, Clayton Bennett), the owners have no problem standing pat until a solution is reached—even if the season has to be cancelled.

The NBPA (the players union)

The players say the owners get enough cash from ticket and TV revenues and that revenue sharing would solve many teams problems. They also want a short collective bargaining agreement (the owners want 10 years; the players want less).

Now, if you think of the NBA as America, specifically this "1% vs. the 99%" argument, the 99% of players earn less than $500,000 dollars a year, give or take. Many of these guys are rookies, backups, 10th-and-11th men, or career D-leaguers. The 1% are your Kobes, LBJs, D-Wades, Steve Nashes, D-Roses and so on. The problem is all of those guys really do love basketball and are hurting themselves by not playing. A few have gone overseas (check the video below of Brian Scalabrine tearing up the Italian league), but the majority are working out and killing time. NBPA president Derek Fisher is taking the hard line on this issue, but the players seemingly have more at stake.

The NFL

Didn't see this one coming, did you? Not only was the NFL lockout during the same period as the NBA labor trouble, it was more newsworthy when football finally did return. I wrote that it was disgusting how fans just forgave and forgot since their beloved NFL was back, but a side effect of it was that people didn't seem to really care about no basketball. With fans firmly set in their armchairs for a considerably weak football season, the NBA will take a backseat on the sports pages and in the minds of fans around the country.

The culprit is....

Really, all three are to blame. Derrick Rose has said that it's silly for players and owners to be arguing over millions of dollars during the U.S. economic hardship, and he's right. For both sides to be contending over this much money really is silly, especially when both will benefit no matter what. The days of owners shorting players so badly they have to get second jobs in the offseason are long gone.

The first two weeks of the season have been cancelled, and the lockout has no end in sight. With the Blackhawks stumbling out of the gate and the Bears mediocre once again, it would be very nice to watch D-Rose and Co. flying up and down the court each night. So, someone, please, end the lockout. I think I've run out of Bulls clips to watch on YouTube...

Okay, now I have.

See you in the cheap seats.

JS